I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
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