what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I lost the right to judge tonight
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Randomize
