I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
