i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
