Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
