no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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