Your mouth is God's brothel.
i just had sex bonerless
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
