I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
