2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
porn star boner night. come get it.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
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