Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Randomize
