My first STD was from a foam party
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
