yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
