This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
