We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
