I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
