i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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