i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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