I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
