if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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