Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
