I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Is Oprah even human
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
We need to get me chipped asap
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
