This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
