We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I wanna bring you to show and tell
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
