just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
