would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
