I think I am morally bankrupt
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
