I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
