you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
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