Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
