STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize
