i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Randomize
