Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Randomize
