I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Randomize
