I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Randomize
