whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
