He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
