well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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