have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Randomize
