Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
