Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
