Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
