Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I can't trust your balls anymore.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Randomize
