Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
