Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
