Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
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