i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
