i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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