id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
