all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
