I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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