i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
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