Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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