I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
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