In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Randomize
