Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Randomize
