He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
