I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
You ate ashes out of my bong
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
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